


I Want You Only

by theworldunseen



Series: jb week 2019 [5]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Jaime as Lupin and Brienne as Tonks, Past Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Pining, but it's really more Order of The Phoenix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-25 17:50:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20916116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theworldunseen/pseuds/theworldunseen
Summary: Jaime used to hate working stakeouts with Tarth. Then he loved it. Now he hated it again. And it was all his fault.A Harry Potter AU set in the Order of the Phoenix where Jaime is Lupin and Brienne is Tonks.





	I Want You Only

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Я хочу быть с тобой](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27047629) by [AppleOfYourEye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleOfYourEye/pseuds/AppleOfYourEye)

> Hello hello
> 
> This is for jb week day 6, “Together In The Dark.” Technically it’s after midnight so I’m late. Whatever.
> 
> I noticed months ago that a lot of JB-ers have Lupin/Tonks ao3 names, which got me thinking about the similarities between that ship (which is also mine) and JB. I’d thought about writing a full Order of The Phoenix/Aurors AU, but instead you’ll get this one shot. 
> 
> For background, Jon Snow is Harry Potter, the Starks are the Weasleys, the Night King is Voldemort and the Lannisters something like the Malfoys, with Jaime and Tyrion both disowned (so kind of like Sirius?). Let’s not get caught up in backstory lol. 
> 
> Title is from Bruce Springsteen's "Thunder Road."
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Jaime used to hate working stakeouts with Tarth. Then he loved it. Now he hated it again. And it was all his fault.

When all this started, Tarth couldn’t stand him. And he didn’t blame her. 

“What are you even doing here?” she said to him the first night they worked together. Not right away, of course. For hours she’d been completely silent, just giving him dirty looks every few minutes. He tried to bait her with some admittedly rude comments about her height and her freckles and her baggy clothes and how desperate the Aurors’ Office must be if they accepted her. But she said nothing until she’d levied her accusation.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, trying to sound unaffected by her tone. It wasn’t working.

“You’re a Lannister,” she said. “Your whole family is on the other side of this. You’re a rich boy who’s never had a real job in your life. You’re not even a strong wizard anymore, you—”

“That’s not true,” he said. He shouldn’t have said it, but something about good, pure Brienne Tarth thinking he was such a piece of shit made him feel terrible.

“Which part?” she asked, kicking the wall with her heavy boot.

“My whole family isn’t on the other side of this. Tyrion isn’t. And my aunts and cousins just aren’t paying attention to what my father and sister do. I’m working on getting them on our side.”

“Fine,” Tarth said, short. “But still—”

“I taught one year of Defense Against The Dark Arts at Hogwarts. That was a real job.” She grunted. “And my father disowned me, so I’m not rich.” They stood in silence for a few moments.

“You’re not going to tell me what a strong wizard you are?” she asked, with — was that a hint of a laugh he heard in her voice?”

“No,” he said. “I’m terrible with my left hand. One of the many reasons the parents were able to push me out.” He’d lost it at the end of that school year, trying to protect Jon Snow and the Stark kids from an  _ ice dragon. _ He wondered if she knew that, but he was too stubborn to tell her himself.

She was quiet after that, for a long time.

“You could practice,” she said, shortly before sunrise.

“Practice what?” he asked, half asleep.

“With your left hand,” she said like he was an idiot, like she wasn’t trying to continue a conversation they had two hours ago. He laughed. 

“There are only so many times you can practice disarming a tree, unfortunately.” He tried not to sound bitter. She nudged him with an elbow.

“Practice with a human.” There was just enough sunlight to see her roll her eyes.

“Are you offering?” he asked, trying not to sound excited. He could hear Cersei in the back of his head, calling him  _ needy. _ Was it so bad to be needy? Wasn’t needing people the human thing to do?

Tarth laughed.

“I guess I am.”

She found them an empty room in Grimmauld Place to practice in, using silencing charms to keep anyone from knowing what they were up to. 

She had endless patience. She went hard on him, disarming him all the time, but no matter how much he swore or cursed or threw his wand she always just said, “Again.” 

The first time he disarmed her during a duel was the first time she gave him a genuine smile. He locked the memory of it in his heart, pulling it out on his most miserable days.

She told him about Auror training, which was endlessly fascinating to him. He had dreamed of joining, once, until his sister told him it was  _ unbecoming of someone of his station. _ Tarth laughed at that. 

“Why did you listen to her?” she said, throwing another hex at him. He shielded it. 

“I always listened to her,” he said. She blocked his jinx. 

“Why?” she asked, disarming him, finally. He took his time fetching his wand.

“I don’t think you really want to know,” he said. He got back into position. She nodded and he tried to disarm her again.

“I think I do.”

He told her after they’d finished, when they were sitting on the floor, catching their breath. He expected her to never want to talk to him again, never want to look at him again. Instead she said, “I’m glad it’s over.”

“Why?” he asked, running a hand through his hair. “Because it’s so disgusting?” She rolled her eyes.

“Because it sounds deeply unhealthy and you seem happier now.” She got up and held her hand out for him.

“Thanks, Tarth.”

“Anytime, Lannister.”

After that, they started spending more time together. They drank firewhisky with Tyrion in the kitchen. They sat next to each other during Order meetings. They always volunteered to go on stakeout shifts together and teased each other to stay awake. 

Jaime knew his magic wasn’t as good with his left hand, but it was much better than before. Before Brienne.

Jaime found himself thinking about her all the time when they weren’t together, too. He wondered if she was safe when she was at work. He wondered how she stayed awake and functioning, with Auror duties and Order duties taking up all her time. If he saw her before or after her shift, he’d make her strong cups of tea with tons of milk, just the way she liked it.

He thought about her beautiful blue eyes. He fantasized about touching the freckles on her cheeks. With his lips. He didn’t push his dreams away because he knew they could never happen. Tarth would never want him, old and broken and dishonorable. 

And then. One night they were in Knockturn Alley, watching a shady pub where some suspected Death Eaters were meeting. They were just trying to identify everyone who walked in and out of the door. But they weren’t as hidden in shadow as they thought, and one of the people leaving — Qyburn, Jaime thought his name was — definitely saw them.

“Fuck,” he said to Tarth. She gave him a sharp look.

“Follow my lead,” she whispered before grabbing him by the collar of his robe and pushing him against the wall. A second later, her mouth was on his. He couldn’t move, he was so surprised. Brienne was  _ kissing him. _ It was just for the benefits of the Death Eaters, he knew, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy it. He slid his hands around her waist and pulled her close. She always wore such baggy clothes, he’d never noticed the curve of her waist. Her hands were on his chest and she pressed him further into the wall. He bit her lower lip and he thought he felt her shiver. He tried to memorize every detail — the warmth of her mouth, the smell of her hair, the silkiness of her robes — because he thought this would never happen again. 

Eventually she let go, and he dropped his hands immediately. 

“I think they’re gone,” she said.

They didn’t talk about it.

And then the Ministry of Magic happened. The kids broke in because Jon Snow convinced Ned was there, being tortured by the Night King. Instead, the Order went head to head with Death Eaters in the middle of the Department of Mysteries and lost Ned Stark. They were just lucky they didn’t lose more.

Jaime, Brienne and Tyrion all ended up at Grimmauld Place, barely awake. Tyrion excused himself. Brienne grabbed Jaime’s arm.

“Can I sleep here?” she asked, barely a whisper. She started to cry. He swept her into his arms, both of them weeping onto each other’s shoulders. What was the Order of the Phoenix without Ned Stark?

She pulled her face back and he used his hand to wipe the tears from her face. Her eyes were so big and wide and bright. 

She kissed him. It felt even more surreal than the first time, part dream and part nightmare. 

They stumbled to his room.

“We shouldn’t do this,” he said as he unbuttoned her shirt. 

“I know,” she said as she took off his belt. “But I need you.”

How could he say no? 

“Jaime,” she whimpered as he entered her. He whispered her name against her skin as she convulsed around him. He was too tired to cherish her the way he wanted to. It was rough and fast and hard and when they both cried out he hoped his brother was asleep. 

But it was a mistake. He knew it as he watched her sleep. He knew it when he snuck out of bed in the morning. He knew it when she stumbled into the kitchen, tired and confused. 

“We were upset,” he said to her over a breakfast of cold toast. “We shouldn’t have done it.”

“We were upset but we should have done it,” she said, reaching for his hand. He didn’t give it to her.

“I’m old. I’m broken. I’m stupid. I’m poor. I’ve got nothing ahead of me and you’ve got everything ahead of you.” He could feel himself tearing his own heart into pieces, but he didn’t deserve her. 

“And I’m ugly and boring and mannish,” she said, and he realized she was crying again. He shook his head.

“No you’re not,” he said. It would be easier if he lied, but he couldn’t. “You’re beautiful. You’re perfect.”

_ “And I’m in love with you,” _ she choked out. “I don’t care if you’re old, that you don’t have money, that  _ you fucked your sister. _ Why can’t you —”

“No,” he said. “I’m sorry we did it, I’m sorry I hurt you, but we can’t —”

She left the room before he could finish. He found Tyrion’s firewhisky in the cupboard.

He volunteered for the most dangerous assignments. Cat accused him of having a death wish more than once. She wasn’t that far off.

But still they sometimes ended up on stakeouts together. She wouldn’t look at him. He didn’t blame her. Tonight as they stood in the dark of Hogsmeade he realized he never told her that he loved her too. But she had to know. Right?

A Patronus interrupted their silent war. A giant fish that spoke with Brynden Tully’s voice.

“The kids are in trouble. Get to Hogwarts.”

They fought Death Eaters in the dark, back to back. It was terrifying but it also felt right in a way Jaime couldn’t ignore. He knew he’d be dead if not for the lessons she’d painstakingly given him last year. His own fucking sister showed up and tried to kill him. Brienne disarmed her, saving his life like it was nothing.

The battle ended because Daenerys Targaryen was dead. The survivors gathered in the infirmary, gathered around Robb’s bed. A Death Eater had cursed off his hand. They couldn’t reattach it. Jaime’s stump burned. 

“And he was going to be married,” Cat said, rubbing ointment on the cut. 

“What do you mean, going to be?” Jeyne Westerling said. “You think I don’t love him anymore because of something so stupid? All his injury means is that my husband is brave. If he could never cast another spell, I wouldn’t care.” She snatched the jar from Cat’s hand and started to rub the cream on herself. No one said a word until Cat had pulled Jeyne into her arms, both of them crying. Brienne grabbed Jaime’s stump.

“Look” she said in a fierce whisper, squeezing a little too hard. “She doesn’t care. And I don’t care!” He tried to pull free.

“It’s not the same,” he said, feeling every eye in the room on them. The kids’ mouths were agape; at least they hadn’t known. “Robb is still young and good and —”

“Jaime,” said Sandor Clegane, of all people. “Do us a favor and shut up. Tarth loves you. You’re lucky neither of you died while you were fucking around. Grow up.”

“This isn’t the time for this,” Jaime protested. “Daenerys just died.”

“All the more reason to seize the day,” Tyrion said from his chair in the corner.

Jaime wanted to defend himself, but he didn’t have the energy. 

Varys came and ushered the kids to their rooms. Jaime realized Brienne had never let go of his arm. He used it to pull her closer.

“Can I bring you home?” he whispered in her ear, his voice trembling. She nodded. They slipped away as everyone started to discuss what came next. They could find out the answer tomorrow. 

They walked through the campus in silence, arm in arm. When they made it through the gates, she apparated them to her front door. She paused before opening it. 

“Are you coming in?” she mumbled, like she was afraid to find out the answer. 

“If you’ll let me,” he answered. She opened the door and lit the candles with a flick of her wand. He was overwhelmed by the Brienne-ness of the place, the bright colored quilts and mismatched dishware and countless books. She dug through her drawers and threw sweatpants and a shirt at him. She changed into hers in the bathroom. 

“Get in bed,” she ordered when she came out in a long shirt and shorts. He did as she said. The bed was huge, probably to accommodate her superhuman legs.

With a flick of her wand, they were submerged in darkness.

“I’m sorry,” he said, finally.

“You’re a real asshole,” she said. He could feel her adjusting her pillows. 

“I know,” he said. 

“I was worried you were gonna die. All year. It was terrible.” Her voice was all business. 

“I worry about you all the time,” he admitted. “I know you can handle yourself, but I sit up at night wondering if you’re OK, wherever you are.”

“If you weren’t so stubborn you’d always know where I was.” Her voice felt closer — she’d rolled over and faced him.

“If I weren’t so stubborn you wouldn’t be in love with me.” It felt like the wrong thing to say, but she laughed.

“Yeah,” she said. “Probably true. I’d stop if I could, but I’m stubborn, too.” 

He wondered if he would be honest if the lights were still on.

“I’ve missed you every day. I hate when we’re on duty together, because it reminds me of what we could have had, but I love it too because at least I know you’re still alive.”

“We could still have it,” she whispered. He shifted closer to her.

“I dream about that day, about you crying in the kitchen.” He started to cry. “I just — I just wanted to protect you.”

“I don’t need protecting,” she said. She touched his waist. He pulled her closer, until her head was on his shoulder.

“Did I tell you I love you? I meant to lead with that.” She laughed and he felt her tears on his skin. 

“No, you didn’t,” she said. “Feel free to, whenever’s convenient.” He pressed his lips to her forehead.

“Brienne Tarth, I love you. And if you want me, broken and battered and scarred, you can have me. Forever.”

She found his mouth with hers.

“I want you.”

**Author's Note:**

> At Dany’s funeral they set her body on fire and she’s reborn. And uhhh *hand-waving* they beat the Night King and Jaime and Brienne don’t die in the Battle of Hogwarts and they have six kids and name the first one Ned and he’s a Hufflepuff, just like his parents.
> 
> And obviously Jaime doesn’t leave Brienne when he finds out she’s pregnant, WTF was that JKR?


End file.
